Pinch Me, and Tell Me I'm Dreaming
by WingsofStrings87
Summary: A charismatic, gun-shy lawyer in a trigger-happy apocalypse. What could go wrong? So much... My Sole Survivor Vera as she comes to terms with the Commonwealth, her future, and how she will respond. ALL THE FLUFF AND EMOTIONS BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE IN GAME AND I'M STILL BITTER. F!SS/MacCready slow burn. M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER** : I do not own Bethesda, Fallout 4, or any of these characters, except for partially Vera. She is my Sole Survivor, after all. Be prepared for ramblings, fluff, emotions, and drama.

* * *

"To sum up, in the last two weeks I have successfully killed Godzilla, built half a house for an army from the past, and been attacked daily by giant cockroaches. My greatest fear. Am I 100% sure this isn't really a nightmare?" I pinch myself again before speaking into the giant ass watch on my wrist. "Nope, this still seems pretty real." I sigh, sinking down against a rock. Crouching so much has put a strain on my legs; I can hardly walk straight lately without them aching. "I'm coming baby, I promise. I'll save you. And, one day, when you hear these, you'll know just how much I love you, in case I'm not the one that lives to rescue you." With a sudden influx of emotion, I stop the recording, and shove the holotape deep into my pack. I can't think about dying, not yet.

Dogmeat whines beside me.

"I know pal, I know," I moan, uncapping my last Nuka-cola and taking a sip. The initial burn of radiation sizzles on my tongue in the place of the classic soda fizz. I make a face, the same face I grimace every time I swallow one of these. "Ugh, they don't make 'em like they used to," I murmur to my furry friend, scratching him between his ears.

Two weeks. Two weeks since I watched Anton die, two weeks since Shaun was taken, two weeks since I woke up to a whole new, nuclear world. Two weeks or two hundred years? They're one and the same right now. I sigh, closing my eyes as I take another hideous sip, running my thumb over the bottlecap in my hand. I keep telling myself that means I'm two weeks closer to Shaun, but, I feel lightyears away.

Working from nothing, that's what I told Mama Murphy. Her crazy, drug-induced, fortune-teller vibe caught me off guard and definitely rubbed me wrong. Hell, I almost accused _her_ of stealing Shaun away from me! The helmet of that big-ass suit certainly kept my judgmental face at bay, hiding it from those scared settlers. Saved my ass in more ways than one, that suit did.

Groaning, I finish the irradiated soda and tuck the bottle into my pack. Worst case scenario, if I run out of ammo again, I can just smash the glass bottle over a Raider's head, just like in those old Western movies. "C'mon Dogmeat," I exclaim, pulling myself to my feet, "Diamond City's not that much farther away!" He yips at me in anticipation. He's such a good dog, I've honestly considered adopting him and just calling him my second son, to hell with the strange looks.

I need more sleep. Or any sleep.

I check my Pip-boy. According to my map, Diamond City is just over the bridge and a few blocks down and to the left. Almost there. Surely, someone there _has_ to have a better idea where to start with finding my baby. They just have to…

We pick up the pace, trotting over the bridge. If I wasn't avoiding a swim in radioactive water, I'd be skipping over the bridge, just like I did when I was a little girl, with my sister Ethel…

 _Stop._

I pull nervously on my earlobe, gnawing on my upper lip. Can't…slip…now…

My steps stagger. A voice grunts. My breath hitches.

 _No._

Below me, a disembodied voice begins frantically calling out to his friends. "Did you hear that?" he hisses. I turn my head to Dogmeat, who is starting to crouch into attack mode.

"Shhh," I whisper, praying he understands what I mean.

Post-apocalyptic world, and dogs didn't mutate the ability to understand human-speak. Astounding.

Dogmeat growls menacingly and launches off his hind legs, practically jumping down to the ship wrecked below us. I pull myself from the hole I'd half fallen in and crank my laser musket. Damn those ferals. Damn those Raiders. Damn everything I had to shoot along the way here because now, I am stuck with _the worst gun ever_ and oh, great…Power Armor.

I shake my head. I can't get stuck focusing on the impossible. That's how I almost died fighting that Deathclaw demon thing. No, I have to choose to accept the challenge. It's the only way I've gotten this far.

Dogmeat tears into the Raiders on the wreck. Already, he's taken down one of their dogs and has a Raider by the leg. "Get down here bitch and fight us!" I hear one shout. Taunting, how mature.

"Yeah," another one chimes in, "only a fucking coward hides!"

I wince and crouch deeper. My muscles are screaming at me and I start to shake. It's now, or never. I jump up, take aim and the one in Power Armor, and fire. I duck behind part of the ship as they shoot back. Based on the sound he's making, I hit him. Good.

I crank the musket and jump back out into the open. Hardly taking the second to aim, I fire another shot at the Power Armor, this time chucking a grenade as well. Apparently, my throwing is a bit off, considering I can't feel my legs. The grenade goes high. Scrambling with my arms, I drag myself towards the other side of the bridge, shrieking for my dog. _Oh please, oh please let me miss him._ The explosion seems close, too close. "Dogmeat?!" I yelp. Frantically, I clamor for the railing. I can't win this fight. _I can't win this fight, not today._

I slump back down to the mangled concrete. I try to reach in my pack for something, anything, to help me. My hand squeezes around a small pack of long syringes. I was saving these for caps, but…

I scream. I can't help it. The Med-x hits my system like a boulder before a strange sort of numbness takes over. I chuck the empty drug to the side and wince to my feet. _Just in time_.

"I'm really going to enjoy this!" The Raider swings at me.

I duck. I can't outrun him, but maybe, I can bash him unconscious!

I hold my musket over my head and swing back. _Whoosh_. I was always pathetic at sports. There's a reason I always read instead.

 _Maybe it's a good thing Shaun is gone, I would have made a terrible boy mom_.

"No!" I shout, swinging my musket recklessly. "I. Will. Not. Fail." I screech.

I feel a strange tug on my leg. Looking down, in my numbness, I see Dogmeat, bloodied and limping, yanking on my Vault suit. Slowly, I turn my head back around to see the mangled body displayed before me on the bridge. Gasping down the bile, I drop my musket, turn, and run.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." _What have I done?_

Tears blind my vision. Reckless, I keep going. I have to get away, get to Diamond City, get Shaun back. Live. Love.

Tears don't blind my ears.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" A voice yells, an arm grabbing mine and pulling me down.

"What-?" He shushes me. "Shut up and shoot or stay still!"

I wipe the tears from my eyes, coming into focus on a man wearing…an umpire's uniform? As armor? The hell? "What?"

"HUMANS! YOU DIE NOW!"

 _Oh shit._

* * *

 **A/N: please read and review.** I would love your honest feedback. I often feel like my writing doesn't translate as well as it could from my brain to my fingers to the page. I don't want this to be like every "walkthrough", I still want it to keep interest. Any suggestions, feedback, comments, criticisms, compliments, would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER** : I do not own Fallout 4, these characters, the dialogue, or Bethesda except for Vera. There will always be slight canonical diversions, particularly in dialogue or "realistic responses" in my opinion. Spoilers abound always.

* * *

I push with my arms only to be forced back down. "Stay. Put." the guard next to me grunts out.

"Please," I whimper. "I just want to get to the city!"

 _Thud_.

My eyes widen as the guard besides me slumps to the ground, lifeless. I strangle the gasp in my throat and squeeze my eyes shut. _Could it only be a dream? Please tell me it's just a dream…_

Another fast round of bullets sinks into my guardian tree and I duck. Holding back a sob, I rummage through the dead guard's pockets, praying for a weapon with ammo. Any weapon. I can't believe he's dead…turning him over, I pull his helmet off. "Get up!" I hiss, smacking his face lightly. "Please, get up!"

"Get 'em!" Another guard shouts ahead of me. I glace up, wisps of my tangling with my eyelashes. I reload my new prize – the automatic pipe pistol – and take aim.

No amount of shooting practice with my husband prepared me for this. The hours I spent to get my gun permit feel completely wasted against these muscled, mutated men. The guards around me slow, as if trapped in time. One, by one, by one, they fall. The shouts of the mutants sound like fizzy background noise, much like my Nuka-cola on our first day. Cool, bubbly, fresh…

The scream almost deafens me, jerking me from my memory as rudely as my husband would wake me every Monday morning. I shriek in anger and empty my gun into the Super Mutant on the ledge. He falls with a quaking thud. I take a step back, and find myself stumbling for footing. My leg…the pain…

I look down.

The blood.

I scream.

The fangs snap at me again, and this time I see the hound that has charged me. _Oh please, not the dog. I don't want to kill the dog…_

Dogmeat growls ferociously, staggering up from his injured state. Time seems to slow again, as I stare down at the giant green dog, awkwardly dancing backward trying to avoid its horrific fangs. _No, please no._ Dogmeat latches onto the hound's ankle. This is my chance, this is my moment.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. _Thud_.

Limping away from the carnage, Dogmeat whimpering at my heels, I continue my search for Diamond City. Just a few more steps, I tell myself, just a few more steps.

"Follow the signs," the guard tells me as I pass him a few minutes later. I slow my step. White knuckling the helmet from the dead guard, I turn.

"Excuse me," I wheeze.

His hulking form stops, as if contemplating my threat level before turning back towards me. "Just follow the signs," he repeats, fingering his bat.

I limp forward one step, still clutching the helmet. "I am so sorry," I stammer, holding the helmet out. "He saved my life…I just…I…I…" he reaches his hand out to take the helmet. "-couldn't save him…"

"…th-thank you." He pulls his own helmet off, his eyes searching mine. "Most scavvers would have just taken the armor of a dead man to sell. You're not a typical scavver."

I snort and chew on my top lip, not even cringing at the taste of blood. "I'm not a scavver," I spit, feeling bile rise in my throat. "I'm a mother."

"What do you mean you can't open the gate?" This new voice is nasally and obnoxious, but I follow it. Dogmeat yelps in anticipation as we make our way towards the whining. "Stop playing around Danny Sullivan!"

I stumble towards this strange new woman, long jacket covered in mud and cap askew. "Is this Diamond City?" I blurt out, tripping over my own feet. I swallow down the vomit that threatens to escape as the woman cocks her head at me.

"I'm sorry Piper, but the Mayor's really steamed," the tinny intercom voice responds.

"Excuse me?" I squeak, but this Piper chick has turned back to the offensive, disembodied voice.

"I live here Danny! You can't just, lock me out!" She shrieks, beginning to wave her arms frantically.

"Excuse me?" I muster again, choking on my words. _Oh no._ I lean my forehead against the wall, willing the hot surface to cool. But it doesn't matter. My Nuka-cola comes back up, spraying the ground with its disturbing shade of brown. Knees wobbling, I heave until nothing is left. All that's left is breathing. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the glint of a can of purified water. "Thanks," I whisper, taking a gentle sip.

"You want into Diamond City right?" Piper asks, looking me over. I nod wordlessly. It's not even a desire anymore, it's a necessity. "Just play along," she finishes, before turning back to the intercom. She turns her charm back on. "Wait, what's that? You're a trader from Quincy? You got enough supplies to keep us stocked for months? You hear that Danny? You gonna let us in or are you gonna be the one to explain to Crazy Myrna about missing out on all the supplies?" She turns back to me and winks. I force a weak grin, slowly pushing myself into an upright position.

I can hear the frustration in this man's voice, without even seeing him. "Geez Piper, don't need to make it personal…I'll open the door…"

Piper does a weird little victory dance as she gets closer to me, holding my elbow. "Let's get inside before ole Danny catches onto the bluff." I nod wordlessly.

Now that I have an opportunity to really look at this place, I recognize where I am. Good old Fenway Park. Roland, my husband, was obsessed with baseball and was here for a game every chance he had. I remember the birthday I surprised him with tickets. It was the last game he attended before being deployed. Several of his company soldiers attended the game, and the players brought them out, giving them a moment to pitch, catch, or even hit the ball. I'd never seen Roland so excited. "Best birthday ever," he'd called it…

"Maybe we should ask the newcomer, how do you feel about the press?"

I whip my head around to Piper and a new figure, a rather rotund male. I can feel my eyes widen as I honestly have no idea what's happened. Damn, I used to be more observant… "Uh, I always believed in the freedom of the press?" I don't mean to phrase it like a question.

The man in front of me puts his hands up in mock surrender to me. "Oh, ma'am, I did not intend for you to be drawn into this! Welcome to Diamond City, the Great Green Jewel of the Commonwealth! What brings you to our happy community?"

 _Shaun. It will always be Shaun._ "I-I…I'm looking for my baby. Someone kidnapped him." I take another swig of my purified water. _Calm down Vera, get your head back in the game. This is what you're good at._

"Oh, I _am_ sorry to hear that, but I apologize-"

"Hang on, are you trying to tell her that Diamond City can't spare even _one_ officer to help this poor mother? I want the truth McDonough!" Piper demands fiercely, "What's the real reason Diamond City won't investigate kidnappings?"

McDonough stumbles over his words, and I feel my feet solidify with the floor. I am grounded, at last. I smirk softly and take the risk. "Surely a man such as yourself, with the influence you hold, would know _someone_ who could help?" I prod, putting on my best begging face.

He looks at me, his chubby face obviously shocked at my own determination. "Weeeelllll…there is one private citizen, Nick Valentine. He's…a…detective of sorts."

I squeal with childish glee and leap for this man in front of me. Wrapping my arms around his burly figure, I shriek, "Thank you!" before bounding towards the city entrance. I can hear his proud voice continuing to speak, and Piper's nasally tone responding, but I don't even try to listen to their words. A private detective? I think my luck is finally cashing in!

* * *

One step forward, three miles back. I close the door to the detective's office and lean my head against it. My vision clouds with tears. The detective's missing too? I have to go find? No, I _offered_ to go find him! Ellie, the secretary, had given me a skeptical once-over, gently urging me to go see a Doctor Sun before heading back into the wasteland. Dogmeat whimpers, gently pawing at my less-damaged leg. "I know boy," I murmur, reaching my hand down to scratch him between his ears. "I'll go tomorrow…one more night to get this leg in working order…" I limp towards the marketplace, my excitement having diminished, reminding my body of its brokenness.

"Kyle, please! We're family! Put the gun down!"

I turn the corner and bite back a whimper at the standoff in the square. _No more, please, no more…_

"Don't move _synth_ , where's my brother? Where's the real Riley?" The man holding the gun demands. I can practically taste the disgust. Synth? What's a synth? I move closer, keeping to the edge of the market. It seems like half the town's population came to see this, wringing their hands and muttering to themselves.

"I'm not a synth! Please, don't shoot! We're family for God's sakes!"

"Put the gun down!" an officer demands, leveling his own rifle at the man Kyle's head.

"Don't shoot!" I squeak, almost inaudibly.

It all happens so fast. Kyle flips the safety on his gun, the guard behind him pulls the trigger, Kyle's head almost explodes into a nauseating paste, Riley's strangle scream. I turn away, taking deep breaths.

"Alright, show's over! Nothing to see here. There are _no_ synths in Diamond City!" The guard declares. The citizens just seem to take this, slowly walking away from the scene, just whispering to each other as they depart. I push off of the storefront I've been using as support and march over to the guard.

"I need you to step away, scavver," the guard spits.

"What happened officer?" I ask roughly, my inner lawyer inching its way back to the surface.

He shakes his head and I swear I can see his eyes narrow beneath his helmet. "I need you to step away."

My own eyes narrow and I cross my arms. "Make me."

238 years, and my perfect record is finally broken.


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Bethesda or Fallout related. All I own is Vera, and sometimes I don't even own her. She is her own person

* * *

I can feel him staring. I don't care whether he has his helmet on or not, but I can feel him staring. The sarcasm that drips through his voice seeps into his look and I am utterly annoyed. "I get it, that was stupid getting smart with a guard," I rasp, "you don't have to rub it in by staring…please."

He chuckles, flicking ashes from his cigarette. "Hey doll, you got guts, that's for sure." He takes another puff, the ember end reflecting from his sunglasses. I roll my eyes, grit my teeth, and attempt to make myself more comfortable on the bench. At least they were nice enough to bandage my wounds for me…I guess they didn't want another layer of blood on their cell floor. _Another_.

"I had guts," I growl under my breath. "And I said please, so, that should count for something."

He chuckles, the embers not only glinting from his sunglasses but also his insanely shiny head. "It's good to see some people still possess good manners!"

I suck in a sharp breath. Maybe now I can't try to bribe the guard. I put my head in my hands, breathing slowly. As a lawyer, I never was much for the illegal. I couldn't stomach the nausea my guilt placed on me for even thinking about stealing so much as a candy bar. Now, in this new world, I had to swallow it all down. It was kill or be killed out there, steal or starve. What would Anton think of me now? His pretty little wife with the small frame, big heart, and timid nature? The wife who calmed him during his night terrors, and could unleash hell in a courtroom when absolutely necessary? The wife who nearly died giving birth to his firstborn son? The wife he loved? Turning into…this?

There's an awkward shifting of weight in front of me. Spreading my fingers, I squint through them to see a different guard holding a key. "You're, uh, free to go," he mutters, almost in disgust.

I drop my hands and shoot from my bench, only to sink back down in a moan. I gravitate towards my wounded leg on instinct. "What, why?" I state dumbly.

"Because I can't let a good story like you rot in a cell," a familiar female croons. Piper appears next to the key-wielding guard. "Besides, you need a stim, so come on." She bats her eyes at the guard shamelessly as he shakes the key into the lock, clicking it satisfactorily after a few, painful moments.

I limp towards the now open door. "Th-thank you," I stammer. I know my eyes are wide. As I drag my injured leg behind me, I take a long look behind me. The bald guard is gone. I never heard him go. Or was he never there to begin with? I chew on the inside of my cheek in contemplation. I suppose I will never know.

A hand rests on my shoulder, bringing my focus back to Piper. She beams at me, her cap askew. I begin to wonder how she convinced the guard to bail me out. "I've got your pack Blue, and that dog of yours is sleeping on my couch. I'll never the get the smell out." I have a feeling she's being sarcastic. I open my mouth to answer, but she waves me off. "Save it for later," she demands, leading me from my prison cell.

When we arrive at her home, which looks reminiscent of the trailer I grew up in, she whirls on me, stimpak in hand. "Okay, so here's my deal. I got you out, I give you a stimpak to get that leg healed, and you give me an interview. Your life story, in print!" She stares off into the distance, a dreamy look overtaking her eyes.

"Alright Piper, you win," I say slowly, sinking onto the couch. Dogmeat, now awake at my arrival, puts his head in my lap and whines happily. "Hey there boy," I coo, scratching him in between his ears. He ruffs, tongue lolling and panting. I swear I see a smile on his face.

Jam goes the stimpak. _OUCH!_ "Okay, first question, what's your name?"

I grit my teeth. "Vera," I respond, clutching Dogmeat closer. "Verity Saxton."

"Nice to officially meet you Vera! I'm Piper Wright, but you already knew half of that." I nod, waiting for the next question. The stimpak courses through my body, and my leg already feels better. _Maybe you could make a run for it?_ "Next question, what was life like in the Vault?"

I feel my entire body stop. "What? How could you possibly-"

Piper scoffs. "C'mon Vera! If the blue jumpsuit didn't give it away, the complete 'fish out of water' look would! You look more terrified than a Raider cornered by a Deathclaw! And Raiders never show fear." Her tone softens.

I choose my words carefully. How do I know she had nothing to do with Shaun's disappearance? I eye her suspiciously. "I, we didn't spend much time in the vault, my family and I. We were sent down as the bombs fell and within minutes we were frozen. I only woke up two weeks ago." Maintaining eye contact, I cling to my dog. If only Codsworth were here too…some semblance of my old life, my old self. _Before you became this monster._

"Wait, are you saying, you were alive before the War?" Her surprise seems genuine.

I glare. "What War do you mean?"

"Oh, I don't know, the one that gave us this beautiful landscape of death?" Piper looks tempted to stick her tongue out at me. I can't say I haven't entertained the same thought.

"Yeah, I am." I let my gaze bore into her skull. "I'm over 200 years old."

"Wow, I…I didn't really expect that." She looks down at her little notebook in contemplation. "Next question, what brought you to Diamond City? You mentioned a missing person?"

 _Oh Shaun, I'm coming for you baby, I promise._ "My son, Shaun…he's not even a year old yet." No, no tears. Not now. _Bury it deep, you don't have time for these emotions._ "Two people came into the vault, they thawed me and my husband, but they didn't want us, they wanted Shaun." My voice cracks, but I keep talking. "They ripped him from my husband's arms, shot him, and walked away with my baby, freezing us again."

Piper's jaw tightens. "That's even colder than a Raider," she spits out, stomping her foot to accentuate her point.

"I came here to find someone to help me discover who took him and where he is. I-I'm working from practically nothing…and to top it all off, the detective that could actually help me is missing!"

"Nicky's missing?" Piper shrieks, throwing her hands in the air. "We have to find him!"

"We?" Oh no, no way, no nosy reporter with a seductive streak is going anywhere near my personal vendettas.

"Yes! As soon as this interview is over, we're going to gear up. In the morning, after your leg has time to heal, we'll head out! I owe ya, for doing this interview."

I hold up both my hands, Dogmeat groaning at the lack of attention. "I thought this was payment for bailing me out of jail!"

Piper shrugs. "Whatever you want it to," she says. "Nick Valentine is a close personal friend. This isn't just about you anymore. If he's gone, more people are going to stay separated from their loved ones, because he's the best damn private investigator that ever lived."

 _You'd better be right about that_.

Piper drones on. "For the last part of our interview, I want you to make a personal statement to the citizens of Diamond City. So many people here and throughout the Commonwealth have lost people to unknown thieves, and may never find them again. I want you to speak to them and give them some sort of encouragement in light of your own journey."

I pause. Encouragement? What encouragement? "Just, well, you have to take it one day at a time. Try not to focus on what isn't going well or the fact that you could die before you find them, and keep fighting. You're the only one they have to count on for survival, so you'd better make sure you're the one who finds them."

The notebook flips closed. "A perfect quote!" Now, let's go get some ammo!"

I remember the laser musket discarded on the bridge. "And a gun."

The reporter whirls to face me, her visage pale. "A gun? You don't have a gun?"

"Weeeellll, not anymore…it's a long story."

The yellow eyes staring into mine are enough to spark a new addition to my nightmares. "What, what are you?"

"Don't let the skin and metal put you off," the strong Boston accent gruffs out, his cigarette gracing the floor. "Let's get out of here before Skinny's men realize brawns for brains isn't coming back." Pushing past me, the very not-human detective makes for the door.

"Come on Ver," Piper prods, her eyes glinting.

"You didn't tell me he wasn't human!" I hiss, readjusting my grip on the submachine gun I'd lifted from a dead Triggerman.

"You never asked," she shrugged, following Valentine down the stairs.

 _Why does it matter? Think he's another monster too?_

"Maybe," I whisper to myself, urging my legs forward to join the rest of this ragtag crew. I already missed Dogmeat. Trying to get through the barrage of bullets of dozens of Triggermen nearly killed Piper and I both. With my still pretty bad aim and her loud mouth, it didn't take much to be discovered any time we tried to sneak past.

Maybe I needed to next invest in a sniper. Pick off my enemies from far away. Then, I could avoid being sprayed with their blood, and being reminded of the woman I had become. The woman this world had forced me to become.

I need a sniper.


End file.
